My "Gay Side"  Explained

There is no right or wrong way to be bisexual all are welcome.

As often happens in this world of bisexuality our own version of what it means to be bisexual doesn’t meet someone else’s definition. People have every right to define bisexuality for themselves as they see fit but when people start to tell other bisexuals “hey you aren’t doing it right” or “I’m doing it better” , that’s when I believe we need to examine our thinking and be more considerate about what we say.

The sequential bisexual telling me as a concurrent bisexual I give bisexuals a bad name is an example of the “You are not doing it right” that I have already written about. Another example is the whole straight side / gay side or half gay discussion. I myself identify as a bisexual and no matter where my attraction at the moment falls on the gender spectrum it is bisexual attraction. That said there are not very many places where bisexuals socialize as bisexuals, there are no bi bars anywhere near me, I haven’t found a bi people finder app like Grindr, I haven’t found a bi resort that I can just go be bi at.

In short it is pretty darn hard to socialize with bi guys in a community that gets us. Like many bisexuals especially those in a mixed orientation relationship my day to day life is spent in a world mostly with heterosexuals. My bisexuality may cross the entire gender spectrum, that is I am non binary, but it does also include attraction to men and women and that attraction in my case can not be satisfied by only one gender. In any case my same sex attraction isn’t something that is going to be very satisfied in the heterosexual circles and as I have said my bisexual social circles are very very small. So who will really understand my same sex attraction?, gay men do, and they have a large vibrant thriving community, I can step into a gay resort, go to a tea dance and instantly feel the gay piece of my sexuality feeling right at home. These guys get that part of me, like my straight friends they don’t quite get my bisexuality but at least they understand same sex attraction and what it is like to live in a society that’s mostly does not

 I suspect  that a large number  of bisexual men in mixed-orientation marriages  have gone so far as to adopt the gay identity  simply because its easier  to be part of the gay community then it is to find a bisexual community.

In an ideal world I would be letting bi me out  but instead the reality is sometimes the only option is to let my gay side out to socialize with other gay men. My version of bisexuality does in fact include a gay side, perhaps its due to the society we live in but its there, I can be as gay as any gay guy out there, so in a sense I do fit right in. Michael Storms wrote about this idea of our same sex and opposite sex attractions as being independant  in his research.

I hope this makes sense, With so few options in my life I believe it is entirely appropriate for me to celebrate that part of who I am at a gay resort celebrating that gay part of my bisexuality. It brings me a lot of joy, makes me feel like I am actually living a bi life, If that’s how I find my happiness as a bisexual then letting my gay side out to play should be a perfectly appropriate way to live life as a bisexual. Note being bi or gay is who we are not just what we do so I am not necessarily talking about sex so much as simply immersing myself in an important part of who I am. Even when I am having lunch with a bisexual friend it is still the me toos and I understands about our same sex attraction that mean the most. Letting my gay side be gay is how bisexuality works for me in a world with a very fractured and invisible bi community so for now I hope thats OK with everyone else.

October 5,2015