There is room for everyone.

In our efforts to be more inclusive of our differences it is important to adopt language and behaviors that celebrate those differences. We are learning when it comes to gender identity that there are many different ways we celebrate our gender and as we so often see in matters of sexuality, sexual orientation and gender who we are often seem to be at cross purposes with each other.

I have over 60 years of living and celebrating life as androgynous, bigender and gender fluid which I feel qualifies me to weigh in on the topic of gender and the growing discussion about the gender binary . Awareness of non-binary gender does not mean we have to throw binary gender out , in my mind they can and should both exist. In simplest terms the gender binary is the concept that our world has boys and girls, men and women, he and she, male and female. We don’t live in that world as I have written in other articles on livingfabulous.org gender is way more complex and diverse, yet we also do live in a world of he and she , male and female , men and women and this is an article about the seemingly impossible paradox of living in a world where it is OK to have both gender as a binary male or female construct and a world where gender is not binary at all. They in fact can both exist in the same world, even the same room and in my case within the same person.

First let me explain why my non binary gender world is important to me. When my gender is on a spectrum , two spirited, a delightful blend of all the best that it means to have all genders in me it does me a disservice to be treated as the male that my outward appearance presents. In fact a society that doesn’t assume the gender binary would be totally ready accept me as whoever I am at the moment without false assumptions.

That said the gender binary world is also important to me as there are days when in fact my inner woman wants to celebrate all that it means to be a woman in the most binary of ways. I want to wiggle my hips, giggle with the girls, be especially enthusiastic in the belly dance and celebrate my inner woman. This often happens to me when I am in traditionally female spaces, like when I am in my Zumba class with 25 other woman, or at a Weight Watchers meeting with 30 other woman. Those spaces delight me by making me feel like I am with my kind. That is a gender binary, I am in a space shared by other woman , I get to feel just like I am one of them and that is really really important to me. Recognizing that we don’t live in a gender binary world is exactly the world that lets me celebrate who I am as a woman in the gender binary if that makes sense. Celebrating this non binary world is also what allows me to be happy with my outward male body while celebrating the inner sense of being just one of the girls.

I am not asking others to understand how one can feel the way I do, I am who I am, but there does need to be an understanding that to try and ban the idea of gender binary as not being politically correct is harmful to me and others like me who need to celebrate a gender long denied them.  In summary the binary gender and non-binary gender paradox is exactly what lets the non binary gender me celebrate my binary gender, if that still doesn’t make sense lets pull up a chair and chat a spell but in any case please leave the door open for all of us binary and non-binary there is plenty of room, no one has to be left out.