Concurrent Bisexual or Sequential Bisexual and Why it matters.

The bisexual identity is best thought of as an umbrella identity that encompasses many different ways we express attraction to various genders. The diverse nature of bisexuality creates occasional situations when different types of bisexuality are at cross purposes and appear to contradict each other. This seems to be especially true with concurrent bisexuals and sequential bisexuals.

In simplest terms a sequential bisexual is perfectly happy with whatever gender they happen to be in a relationship with at the moment. When one relationship ends sequential bisexuals are open to any variations of our rich tapestry of gender for their next partner. Sequential bisexuals are often perfectly happy in monogamous relationships. An important issue for sequential bisexuals is bisexual erasure. For example when the sequential bisexual male is with a woman erasure happens when people assume incorrectly they are now straight . When the sequential bisexual is then with a man its the” ah ha I knew you were gay all along” stereotype. Sequential bisexuals are still bisexual even when in a relationship with just one person  we just can’t see it.

Concurrent Bisexuals have a need for more than one gender variation in their life at the same time. While it would be easy to simply say concurrent bisexuals are polyamorous in nature it can sometimes be more complicated than that. For example as Fritz Klein points out in his Klein Grid model of bisexuality it is possible to be emotionally attracted to one gender and sexually attracted to another gender. Some consider just a sexual interest in our same gender without emotional attraction as falling under the poly umbrella some don’t . It is also important to realize that some concurrent bisexuals even with the need for more than one gender have such a deep seated belief in monogamy that they live monogamously even as they have needs from more than one gender at the same time.

The challenge for acceptance by concurrent bisexuals comes when concurrent bisexuals actually live a life with some sort of relationship with more than one gender at the same time. Our society has a habit of shaming concurrent bisexuals as greedy,or promiscuous , or wanting the best of all worlds or wanting their cake and eat it too.   Understanding concurrent bisexuality is further complicated by the many ways concurrent bisexuals live their lives. Some are monogamous, some have two equal partners , some have a primary partner of one gender and a  friend with benefits of another , some have yet other ways they celebrate who they are. All are perfectly acceptable variations of relationships.

Society has a long history of problems with those who are different from the majority: race, religion, sexual orientation, and variations in gender have all caused minorities huge problems for centuries. Being different does not equal wrong. When concurrent bisexuals live their lives openly with understanding from all involved they can have richly rewarding lives and we need to celebrate their happiness.

It can be difficult for  sequential bisexuals to clarify their  bisexual identity without  negatively maligning concurrent bisexuals in the process. This often happens when a sequential bisexual holds up their monogamous sequential bisexuality as proof that bisexuals who have multiple partners are just a false negative stereotype. This ” shame on you for thinking bisexuals might need more than one partner” does a disservice to concurrent bisexuals who in fact do have needs of more than one gender that they can only meet from more than one partner. It is perfectly OK for concurrent bisexuals to live happy self actualized lives with one or more than one partner as their needs require especially when it is done honestly,openly and with integrity. Of course concurrent bisexuals need to be careful to validate sequential bisexuality  even if they only need one gender and one partner at a time.

I prefer a model where sequential and concurrent bisexuals validate each other and then simply differentiate themselves. In other words a sequential bisexual is not better than a concurrent bisexual and concurrent bisexuals don’t give sequential bisexuals a bad name, they are just different versions of bisexuality,

The whole idea of the bisexual umbrella identity is that it encompasses a wide variety of ways we celebrate non binary sexuality. I hope this article helps people understand that while the needs are different between sequential bisexuals and concurrent bisexuals that they can all celebrate being a bisexual with pride and we need to be mindful of the differences while being kind in our discussions.