Mixed-Orientation Marriage, Bisexual Husbands, Happy  Wives and Happy Lives.

I am a bisexual husband in a mixed orientation marriage  truly blessed to celebrate over thirty- seven years married to an amazing wife who is my best friend, soul-mate and love of my life. As a bisexual I never dreamed that I could live such a joyous life living out and authentically as the person I was created to be and yet here I am a happily married bisexual counting my many blessings for the gifts each day brings. This weekend I joined almost thirty gay and bisexual husbands in mixed-orientation marriages married to wonderful wives to share our journeys and strategies for pathways to success. Many members of our group have been married 20,30,40 even 50 years. Clearly these are marriages with a great deal of love.

As we shared our stories and discussed pathways to happy marriage it was clear that an ongoing common issue that married bisexual men face is the barrage of articles about gay and bisexual men married to woman that cast a very negative light on mixed orientation marriages. This negative attitude is frustrating to those of us who have wonderful marriages to amazing wives. This constant negative message to the wives married to bi men that “There is no hope for your marriage run!” creates a toxic environment for those of us who having loving marriages where same sex attraction is simply a challenging aspect to what is otherwise a wonderful relationship. Many of us at the gathering felt it was extremely harmful that mass media so often holds up as experts those who don’t seem to know anything about successful mixed orientation marriages. We are concerned that some of these so called experts don’t even believe in bisexuality yet we are living proof that one can be bisexual and in love with our wives even as we have same sex attraction to men. Even the men in our group who identify as gay recognize that sometimes the gender we fall in love with and who we are meant to spend our lives with may not match their sexual orientation.

We experience frustration with a society that expects everyone to be like everyone else. Bisexual and gay men can indeed have happy marriages with happy wives. We are living these lives and we know they can be fabulous but perhaps the lack of drama doesn’t sell articles or books so the negativity continues. I hope others will join me in spreading this pathways to success message so that other husbands and wives will find there is hope before they get discouraged from all the messages of doom.
While many mixed-orientation marriages don’t have what it takes to succeed there are also many that are wonderful vibrant marriages. The message I want to convey here is that it is a huge injustice to throw all such marriages out. Some experienced relationship counselors agree with me that it is entirely possible that the gloomy statistics are due more to the negative messages and societal stereotypes that result in a lack of positive role models for success than to a failure of the actual marriage dynamics.

To those of us with wonderful mixed-orientation marriages it does not matter what the statistics say our message to others is you too can join us on this pathway to success if that’s is what you truly want for each other.

 

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