As I am so fond of saying  bisexuality is best viewed as an  umbrella term inclusive of many different variations of attraction to more than one gender presentation. Fritz Klein one of the foremost pioneers in bisexual research created the Klein Grid which clearly allows for bisexuals to present themselves in a wide variety and combination of sexual and emotional connections with more than one gender. Men who have sex with men who are sexually attracted to men but not romantically attracted to men fit nicely in Fritz Kline’s and countless others definition of bisexual . A guy who says his sexual attraction to men is body parts only IE their wives don’t have a penis so they need a man in their life is just another type of bisexuality. One researcher came up with 13 different types of bisexuality further confirming the umbrella or inclusive nature of bisexuality.

I bring this up because there is a growing problem of self proclaimed experts in human sexuality erasing bisexuality through what I call the “anything but bi” label by using phrases like “straight men who like to have sex with men” or heteroflexable. These are bisexuals no matter how anyone wants to label them. Bisexuality has been so marginalized, so demonized that researchers created the term men who have sex with men to describe behavior so that adopting the bisexual identity was not required for their research models. The men who have sex with men identifier was fine for the purpose it was created but it never should have been allowed to dilute the bisexual identity.

Men married to a woman who are sexually attracted to their wives who also enjoy sex with men clearly meet the most popular definitions bisexual yet researchers describe them as heteroflexible, ambisexual, on their way to gay, or worse sexual addicts and a whole slew of other anything but bi ways to describe them. This slicing and dicing and creation of new boxes has the effect of explaining away bisexuality and contributes to erasure of our largest sexual minority through a whole bunch of new speak nonsense.

I have no problem describing some of these terms as a sub category of bisexuality, what I take issue with is the erasure of bisexuality. One well known writer even incorrectly states that if there is no romantic attraction to both genders then they are not bisexual, this is simply false information and is harmful to those trying to find a home for their bisexual identity. There are plenty of bisexuals with romantic attraction to one gender and sexual attraction to another there is no requirement for them to go together.

I have no problem with people self identifying with any term they want but they need to be careful not to erase bisexuality in the process, when that term is just another type of bisexuality, people are not heteroflexable instead of being bisexual they are heteroflexable because they ARE bisexual..

One of the reasons why bisexuals have such a hard time living out authentically is the divide and conquer approach that so many experts use. If the people who write about sexual behavior keep moving bisexuals into other boxes bisexual role models become hard to find. As we grow up we need to be able to look around and see other bisexuals so we can feel like we belong. I truly believe people have the right to choose whatever label they want but an effort needs to be made to make those labels part of the bisexual sexual orientation because they are.
This post is not just a whine fest , it is a call to action by bisexuals everywhere to start speaking out, be proud to say “ I am bisexual because I am (your own personal bisexual description here)….. “ We need to set the record straight before our sexual orientation is explained away by others. If you write about or speak about bisexuality it is imperative that you become more inclusive in your discussion. The anything but bi approach that so many have adopted is causing a great deal of harm. We all seek “metoos and I understands” that can only come for others like us but if bisexuality continues to be treated as the plague and the anything but bi approach being used by so many than there will be too few role models for the emerging bisexual to identify with. If human sexuality experts that are guilty of this marginalization find their way to this article please be aware that the “anything but bisexuality” movement is throwing a lot of bisexuals out of the room and like any erased and excluded group it is creating a great deal of harm.

I hope writers and lecturers will consider becoming more inclusive in the use of the bisexual umbrella. Any mention of a sub category or type of bisexual should always be qualified with “this is a type of bisexuality”. Only when we become more inclusive in our language will it be understood that bisexuality comes in a rich tapestry of human behaviors and we should celebrate this diversity of human sexuality .

There are those who may say I am guilty of taking others rights way to define bisexuality and their sexuality as they seem fit, I ask that those who disagree try on some empathy and think of how it feels to a bisexual to have their identity explained away by stereotypes and falsehoods and consider why bisexuality needs to be made more inclusive not less. There is nothing wrong with saying “Im bisexual but you need to pull up a chair and chat a spell while I explain what that means.” In fact I think it the nature of being bisexual there are a lot of us and we are bisexual in many different ways.